Please pardon the errors, this was transcribed by a computer… gotta love artificial intelligence!

Kevin English: [00:00:00] If you're listening to this podcast chances are you know the devastation and heartbreak that comes from losing a loved one. How has the loss of a loved one impacted your life? How has that event changed you? What did you do to heal the wound left behind by that loss? What steps have you taken to pick up the broken pieces and move on with your life?

Or have you? Perhaps you're still stuck in your grief. Hello and welcome to the over 50 health and wellness podcast. I'm your host, Kevin English, a certified nutritionist and personal trainer and founder of the silver edge. Our mission at the silver edge is to inspire men and women in their fifties, sixties, seventies, and beyond to live their strongest, healthiest, most fulfilling lives.

My guest this week is Debbie Waines. Debbie is a 52 year old mother grandmother, successful business woman, and a widow. Debbie knows a thing or two about grief about what it's like to lose loved ones. She also knows a thing or two about healing sorrow's wounds. She has dedicated her life to bringing joy and healing through her coaching services.

Debbie was a teenager when she lost her mother to a two year battle with cancer.

Debbie Waines: [00:01:12] Yeah, my mom became sick with brain tumors when I was 16. So I was a sophomore and she was sick my whole entire high school life and passed away December of my senior year. So that was very tragic. It was very difficult. We had, when I went to prom, I had a hospital bed in my living room and that's how my date met

my mom was us coming in and seeing my mom with her bald head and, skinny little tiny body. And you know, it it's, it. It was tragic. It was very tragic, but at the same time, I was also able to see my dad take really good care of my mom. He, he was an amazing role model but he, he was a good example for me, for what I needed in my adult life.

Okay.

Kevin English: [00:02:05] So, how did that impact you then at that young age to go through that? And you said it was probably a couple of years that your mom was ill before she passed.

Debbie Waines: [00:02:15] Yeah. It was two years and, you know, being a tomboy, I was kind of a daddy's girl. Right? So graduating from high school was a big deal for my mom because she was the bookworm. She was the real smart one. So graduating from high school was a big deal for me. And I, I really thought my mom would be proud of me for that.

Not that she wasn't, but it was a way to bond with her and she passed away before that happened. And it was, it was very tragic for me. My sister had to get pulled back from college and it was just a very difficult time of life. I mean, So many changes happen to a young woman from 16 to 18. And in the midst of all of this, I have a mom that has cancer and it was very difficult.

Kevin English: [00:03:08] I can't even begin to imagine. 16 to 18 years old. There's already so much going on during those formative teenage years. But to watch your mother slowly grow sicker. And then to pass away in the middle of your senior year. It had to be devastating. I asked Debbie, how her father was such a positive role model through these tragic circumstances.

Debbie Waines: [00:03:33] A few things. Number one, he worked the majority of the time. He was a general manager for a grocery store here and he worked the majority of the time. So we had in-home health care that took care of my mom. And then he would come home at night and he really felt that it was his job to take care of my mom.

He, it was, it was like, An honor for him to do that. And he would, my, my mom, again, having brain tumors, it really changed her personality. And he would always guide us into be patient with our mom. You know, this isn't her, but you loved her. And remember to love the woman that she was and, and know that she wouldn't want to be this person and just, he would sleep on the couch at nighttime because that's where the hospital that was.

And just so caring and nurturing and compassionate in her end days.

Kevin English: [00:04:33] Wow. And so you're a young woman now. You're you're 18. You're out of high school. You've just gone through this horrific event. where does your life go from there?

Debbie Waines: [00:04:45] I ha you know, I did not go to college because I knew that my life had been so serious that if I went to college, I would have just blown my mom and dad's money. Because I would, I just wanted to play, I didn't want seriousness in my life. So I did work full time. I still was extremely active. I played on an indoor soccer league and, still went to the gym and worked full time.

And then I met my first husband and was married, just, almost at 21. And then I had my first daughter when I was, when I was 21 and my second daughter at 23. So I was a very young mom and then divorced at 20, almost 25. And I'll tell you Kevin fitness and the gym when I became a single mom was my release.

I, I still went to the gym five days a week, and that was my way of transitioning from work. I would pick up the girls and we'd have a little bit of time together. And then I would go to the gym and then we'd have our night time together. And it was, my fitness has always been such a part of my life. And still is.

Such a stress reliever for me that, as a single mom, if there's anything I can recommend for women, it's stay active and use exercise as a form of release.

Kevin English: [00:06:16] Yeah. that's an interesting, you, the way you described that, it's almost like Fitnesses that little sanctuary, that little bit of me time. And when you can cultivate that self care, because obviously you've got a lot going on. Right. So now you're a single mom, like you said, you got a full-time job.

And so things have gotta be really hectic. And yet you still had the wherewithal to carve time out for yourself and to, to make sure that you're staying sane so that you can show up as the best version of yourself. Right. As a mom, as, as an employer and as a person in general. And is that fair?

Debbie Waines: [00:06:46] absolutely fair. And I really felt like I was being a good role model for my girls. You know, they were there, they've both been athletes their whole life too, but I felt like it was an example for them. A even at a very young age, my girls saw me exercising.

Kevin English: [00:07:05] This point in Debbie's story, she's already had a lot thrown at her. She's lost her mom. She got married, had two children and now finds herself divorced and a single mom. And she's finding solace and working out and being active. Something she's been passionate about her whole life.

Debbie Waines: [00:07:22] sometimes I joke that I think I came out of the womb with a, with a ball in my hand. And if the sun was up, I was outside. You didn't have me inside.

Kevin English: [00:07:32] Okay. So very active at an early age. And did that transfer into sports when you were in school?

Debbie Waines: [00:07:38] I did I played soccer and I played basketball up until the end of middle school and in high school, I decided to go into band and, and marching band and color guard and things like that.

But I played soccer. Sports competitive soccer and played basketball for middle school and all through elementary school.

Kevin English: [00:07:59] Okay. And then you moved into more the musical, the band, the color guard, but were you still, would you still consider yourself very active during your high school years or did that kind of, some of that Wayne.

Debbie Waines: [00:08:10] Oh, always, always active. I actually worked at a gym when I was in high school, so I, I lifted and was very active even in high school because that's what I, that's just who I was.

Kevin English: [00:08:24] So that's interesting. Let's pick that apart a little bit. You say you lifted in high school, cause I'm going to guess that when you were in high school, probably that wasn't the norm for, especially for females to be lifting. Or was it?

Debbie Waines: [00:08:37] Definitely not. it was more aerobics and classes. You know, things like that. Whereas in, I went to the gym now I didn't do a lot of free weights back then and I use way more free weights in my life now, but lots of machines, lots, lots, and lots of machines.

Kevin English: [00:08:57] And how did you find that? Was there a coach that was pushing you to do that? Or did you have friends that you did that.

Debbie Waines: [00:09:03] I was such a tomboy when I was young. That that's what the boys did. So that's what I,

Kevin English: [00:09:10] Yeah. Okay, Tom boy. And that's what the boys are doing.

Debbie Waines: [00:09:12] yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

They wouldn't let me in the gym room. In high school, we had a gym room and where we had a lot of lifting equipment and the boys wouldn't let me in. So I did it at the gym instead.

Kevin English: [00:09:24] Okay. So Debbie has always been active and is now using working out as a form of stress relief. But her life's getting ready to change. She doesn't know it yet, but there is both love and tragedy on the road in front of her.

Debbie Waines: [00:09:38] Well, it's funny because I actually knew Roy before I knew my first husband. So he and I dated back when I was 18, 19 years old, but he didn't want a serious relationship and I did. And so we parted ways. And the very first night that I went out after separating from my first husband, I ran into Roy. I went out to I went out to a nightclub and the very first night, and of course, I'm, you know, I'm getting divorced.

I was kind of anti men at that point. Like I think most divorces are. And I ran into him and we restruc struck up our friendship and he became the godfather of my two daughters. And we, he was my, their godfather before we decided to get married. So. And then we got married on Oh two Oh two Oh two. And so I just celebrate, we would have celebrated 19 years of marriage if he was still alive, but he passed away March 1st of 13, 2013.

So became a widow and, and he, also led a very fitness driven life. He was, he competed in bodybuilding competitions going to the gym together was a big part of our life. it was it, they were our date nights, many, many times. So.

Kevin English: [00:11:03] No. That's awesome. I love that. That's that you say that they were your date nights, so you, you meet this man. He's the love of your life? You've already been through a lot. You've, you've gone through the loss of your mother a failed marriage. You're a single mom. You run into this guy and I mean, It sounds like the cosmos must be talking to you there, if it's that night that you, that you're separated and you run into him, right.

That's that was meant to be, and, and he gets sick.

Debbie Waines: [00:11:32] Mm. Yeah. And, you know, he had, he was diagnosed before we got married. He was actually diagnosed with a heart condition and he had an enlarged lower chamber. And so he was on a ton of different medications for his heart and he had a pacemaker defibrillator installed. And so we had been through some health issues before we got married, but then he ended up getting colon cancer.

And he was diagnosed with colon cancer, January of 2012. So he battled that and he was very similar to my mom. He was going to beat it. He knew he was going to beat it and he never felt sorry for himself. I saw my mom cry one time for herself. Now she cried often with pain, but not. For her own Immortality.

And I saw her cry once when, and, and that was a day that they told us that, that her brain tumors had come back and she wasn't going to survive. And Roy was the same exact way. He was not going to give up on, on battling his cancer and he was going to survive. And unfortunately that didn't happen.

So he passed away March 1st. His celebration of life was huge. He was very, very loved and not just by me and our children, but by so many in the Denver community.

Kevin English: [00:13:04] Okay. So we've already said you've been through a lot. W what is your head space like then here in March of 2013?

Debbie Waines: [00:13:15] I, you know, it's Roy and I had many conversations and he left me with a job and we had this big extended family, so many friends and, and just people we really loved. And he basically gave me a job to do, and it was to lead our family and show them that it was okay for life to move forward and that it was okay to grieve and to miss him, but we needed to continue on.

And I feel like I did that. And I showed everybody that I was strong and, and you know, everybody, Oh, you're so strong. And then all of a sudden everybody's life moved on like I was showing them to do. And my life then stood still. And that's, it was, it was probably about a year later that I hit, I hit a rock bottom in my world.

It might not be rock bottom for everybody else, but for me personally I had a very difficult night that involved a lot of alcohol and I woke up and thought. What the heck am I doing? You know, Roy, wouldn't be proud of this. I'm not proud of this. What am I doing?And that very same day is the day I started my gratitude journey and gratitude is what has changed my life and added back in the positivity and the woman that

I I am and that I was, and it gave me my life back. It gave me my inspiration and it gave me my hope back that this world was going to be okay. Even without Roy.

Kevin English: [00:15:01] So, and I think we can all empathize with hitting rock bottom, right? To your point, it sounds like what you're saying is in the immediate, after math, aside from probably being somewhat numb, you probably had family and friends around you constantly for those firsts. Weeks months, whatever that was. But at some point, like you said, you're leading by example, life goes on and you're putting on your brave face and those people go back to their lives.

Right. And here you are, and you're going to hit rock bottom. And you, you mentioned that that's when you started your gratitude practice, where did that blossom from? Where, where do you think that came from?

Debbie Waines: [00:15:42] Oh, I absolutely know it came from my sister. My my S we figured out just about a month ago that my sister has been posting daily gratitudes on Facebook for 10 years. And she posts three things that she's grateful for. Every single night before she goes to bed. And I just was like, that's fufu. Okay.

Well, good for her. That's nice. But what I was doing, wasn't working and my sister had always been my foundation, my rock through my mom's illness through losing my dad, my, my sister was my rock. And even through Roy she was my, my first phone call. And so I'm like, Well, she must be doing something right.

And maybe it's not as fufu as I thought it was. And maybe there's more to this, this thing. And I literally had, on my, my rock bottom day, I had literally logged on to Facebook to probably post some woe is me, to maybe get some attention and feel better. And instead I decided that day that I was going to start my gratitude journey and it is what helped me realize that life wasn't

as dark as I thought, and that I was really blessed to have had Roy. And when I started looking at losing him through my gratitude glasses, I guess, so to say there's many, many people in this life that never find what they consider to be their soulmate and I not only had him once, but I had him twice in my life and I got to take care of him and he got to take his last breath in my arms and he got to be a stepfather to my girls and they got a piece of him.

And when I started flipping things around and really looking at the fact that I could have not had them at all. And what would then, where would I be? And so I just started looking at things so much differently and that gratitude practice changed everything. It took a little bit, I'm not going to say that it happened overnight, but again, as I just kept being consistent with it and really trying, what I tried to do in the beginning was do to like normal things that I was grateful for.

And then do one thing that involved the gifts of Roy in my life. So it really changed things.

Kevin English: [00:18:22] And when you say a gratitude journey and a gratitude practice, what does a gratitude practice consist of?

Debbie Waines: [00:18:30] Gratitude practice has evolved and ebbed and flowed over my six, seven years of doing this, I started out by just literally making public like my sister did, because that was the model I had just basically saying three things that I was grateful for. And I started out just by just saying today, I'm grateful for and listing one, two, three.

Well, then it evolved into. I want to find a graphic of some sort to put with that, or I want to find some facts about gratitude. So I did three things that I was grateful for for a very long time. And then it transitioned into, I had read one time where maybe trying to take one thing and try

really diving deep into that one thing and writing like three to five sentences. So you're a little bit more deeper into your gratitude journey. And I did that for awhile. And then I started when I started my, my coaching business, which came out of it really evolved out of my gratitude journey and my widow journey.

I, I saw all these widows like stuck and they weren't moving forward and they were staying in that, I don't want to say victim mentality, but they just couldn't move forward. Nobody widow widower should stay there. It's you're not meant to stay there. Life is all about being born and passing away.

It's the only two things that are guaranteed in this world, and people need to learn how to move forward from that. And as I'm going through this widow, this gratitude journey, I'm like. I need to find a way to spread this message. And that's how my coaching business launched. And I started out doing gratitude videos on my social media when I started my coaching page.

Cause I really wanted to speak to the hearts of widows and widowers. And so I started doing videos and I did that for goodness, probably about two, three years. And then it became, it started feeling like a job and I didn't want my gratitude journey to feel like a job. So I took it back inside and I started journaling and did that for a while.

Now I'm back to sharing my gratitude a little bit more publicly again, and I have 30 day of gratitude programs where I help people be accountable because lots of people think that gratitude is just so easy. Right? It's it's so easy. It's too easy to make an impact. Gratitude a gratitude practice really isn't as easy as people think it is because when you have a day, that just stinks.

The last thing you want to do is try to be grateful for something. When you have a day, when somebody that's dear and, and so treasured in your life and they pass away. How do you, how do you take that day and find something to be grateful for? And that's what I want to teach people is that even in death, even in Roy's, I know that for my coaching business to launch, Roy had to pass away.

And I know that I'm doing my soul work in my coaching business and. I know that I gave Roy a gift by being there for him when he passed away and for him to be in loving arms. And I know that, so it all goes together. So in a very weird, strange way, I'm grateful for Roy's passing because it did launch me into my soul work.

So my soul losing my soulmate, created my soul work.

Kevin English: [00:22:11] Wow. Losing my soulmate created my soul work. That's very powerful. And to Debbie's point gratitude seems like such a simple thing. How could something so simple, be so impactful. But gratitude as a practice, as something woven into the fabric of your everyday life. Isn't as easy or simple as it first seems.

Debbie Waines: [00:22:35] I absolutely agree. And again, people think it's so easy. And when I, when I tell them, okay, well, let's be gratitude partners, gratitude buddies. And then all of a sudden, if I'm not sending the message, they're not sending it. And that's one of the reasons I created my 30 days of gratitude program is because

it really puts it, if you have an email in your inbox every single day, and you have somebody giving you ideas or talking about the health benefits, and that's an, you know, something we haven't even touched on the health benefits of gratitude are absolutely amazing. So when you have somebody actually putting it out there and, and it's no different than doing a 30 days of gratitude in November, You know, every day of November, because there's Thanksgiving, you know, it's, it is a great time to start a gratitude practice.

It's just continuing. And I really do challenge my students and clients to not duplicate for 30 days. That's why you write it down. So, you know, not to duplicate it. And that

Kevin English: [00:23:46] than it sounds.

Debbie Waines: [00:23:47] yeah, that's 90 things, 90 things. Oh my goodness.

Kevin English: [00:23:51] Yeah. It really makes you work, for it. You had mentioned some of the benefits of gratitude. let's unfold. Some of that

Debbie Waines: [00:23:59] Oh, I, it

Kevin English: [00:24:01] now, where do you start?

Debbie Waines: [00:24:02] Yeah, it helps lower blood pressure. It helps with anxiety. It helps with lowering your heart rate. If you have heart, and even I've even heard read studies that it helps with diabetes and I don't need the neurological power of our brain. And putting positivity into your life is incredible.

And then you just start looking for it. So it takes that negative mindset and that, that sluggishness and it gratitude helps you sleep better. I mean, there's just so many benefits to gratitude.

Kevin English: [00:24:41] Yeah, I agree wholeheartedly. I'm on board with you there. And certainly with the sleep. I know sometimes if I, if I'm having problems with sleep, like I said, I've, I've got this almost gratitude mantra that I go through and that really, really helps. So yeah, gratitude makes everything better and it also changes your outlook, right?

When you're. Purposefully looking for things to be grateful for it it makes you a more positive person and it gives you that more optimistic outlook on life. And I think a lot of people can relate to negative self-talk and you know, that's just a part of human nature. And as you develop your gratitude practice, I think that that's easier and easier to control and becomes less and less of your self-talk.

Right. There are times when, in your mind, things that you could say to yourself or are horrible, there are things you would never say to a loved one or to another human being, but yet For some reason you're okay saying these things to yourself. And I think that practicing gratitude might be one way to kind of help reverse that and move things towards a more positive outlook.

Debbie Waines: [00:25:44] I completely agree with you, Kevin, and it becomes your self-talk because you, as you practice gratitude more and more and you know, some people forget that gratitude can be part of your prayer life too. So, you know, a lot of times you can, if it helps people, you can be grateful to God for these things.

And, and I think that that helps people along the way, but I believe that as you, as you talk more about what you're grateful for, and a lot of times I'll go back and read my journal out loud to myself because I hear it right. I, I hear this gratitude and I'm thinking it in my mind and I'm hearing it out loud.

And then that just becomes your self-talk. I had a speaking engagement yesterday and I haven't spoke in public for quite some time because of COVID right. Everything's on zoom or whatever. And I was super nervous and I was really doubting myself. And I started just going through all of the reasons I was grateful for the speaking engagement and all of the, the things that I have learned with speaking.

And I just started. Being grateful, being grateful, being grateful and all of that nervousness just started dissipating because now my mind was back in that grateful mindset. Again,

Kevin English: [00:27:09] that grateful mindset. Yeah. I love it. Absolutely love it. Yeah. So, it seems to me that. you've come a long, long way, right? from this darkness this heartbreak this sorrow, to where you are now, where you're manifesting this joy and this positivity just really incredible. So I know that you, do widow coaching and grief coaching.

You're qualified to do that. You have the gratitude coaching practice, but you also do life coaching as well. Right?

Debbie Waines: [00:27:35] Yeah, I'm all about setting goals. And I believe next year I'm going to go into a certified trainer program. I already have some goals set out for this week, but, or this year, and I really want to help people with their fitness journey and really, truly focus on people that are over 50, because I know

one of my goals, my overall overlying goal is to live to be a healthy 101. And it's funny, it comes from my granny, which we haven't even mentioned her. She was another big, she took over my, my role model as a woman when my mom passed away and she lived to be a hundred and she used to tell me all the time, Deborah Hill, you're more stubborn than I am.

And so naturally. I have to live to be 101 at least.

Kevin English: [00:28:30] A healthy 101 at that. Right.

Debbie Waines: [00:28:32] yes. Yes. So I had a great role model in her, her also, and I really feel like a lot of people as they age, they, they get out of the routine of, you know, and you don't have to be a gym rat like I am, I love the gym, but you don't have to do that.

But I think they fall out of the routine and they think that their body should just start aging and getting older. And by all means the things that I could do when I was in my twenties are not functioning the same way in my fifties. But I've I lift more today than I ever did in my twenties. As in like physical weight and I love it.

I love feeling strong and I think that it's going to help me age better. Because I'm going to be fighting things off like osteoporosis and bone density and all of those things. And, and truthfully, I love to eat and I don't want to stop eating. I love to eat. So I have to work out a little bit more now cause that metabolism is changed.

So I do do coaching right now. I don't do any truly training coaching, but one of my proudest moments was I was coaching a woman that was in her forties and it was, she wanted to change her lifestyle and she had never stepped foot into a gym because she thought that that was where all the healthy people went and that just

broke my heart, that her whole life she'd had that, that belief and stereotype in her mind. And I actually, I said, okay, we're just going to walk into a gym and then we'll go walk around the park or whatever, but I want you to just walk through the gym and see who was there. And she not only registered that night, but she signed up with a trainer and that those kind of things just make my, my soul so happy to do things like that.
Kevin English: [00:30:31] Oh, yeah, that's right up my alley. I love hearing that. And to your point, it can be very intimidating for somebody over 50 say, especially an older woman, right. To walk into a gym. Cause you said that's where the healthy people are. Right. But that can be very intimidating. there's liable to be loud music.

There's going to be machines that can be, intimidating. There's going to be women in tights and men with, bulging muscles and maybe some grunting and groaning going on. And that can, be a inhibitor for people to actually get started on that fitness journey. But you alluded to the importance of staying healthy and strong as you age.

Not so much just to, you know, to be big and ripped or to be toned, but to be healthy, to be strong and to be capable and competent. You talked about osteoporosis, right? I mean, in bone density, we know that resistance training will certainly keep your bones healthier and stronger. A lot of people don't realize that you can actually strengthen bones, just like you can tissue.

And there's just so much goodness that comes from that. So it sounds like your, your journey is evolving. And your coaching practices evolving and perhaps is there personal trainer certification in your, in your future? Is that

Debbie Waines: [00:31:39] Yeah. That's I think that's going to be my goal for 2022. Yeah.

Kevin English: [00:31:44] I love it. Right. And focusing on people over 50, right.

Debbie Waines: [00:31:48] Yeah. I, I really feel like that's a niche for me because I can relate. And if I start my journey at 52 to really become a personal trainer, I feel like, I don't know. I feel like I'll have the respect of those people.

Kevin English: [00:32:08] and the relate-ability absolutely right. That's great. So talk to us a little bit about what does a typical workout week look like for you now for you personally?

Debbie Waines: [00:32:19] I lift four times a week and I do cardio at least three times a week. So I'm working out usually six days a week, but one of those is usually a, just one full cardio session. And I really love to go on what I call walkabouts. I don't run a whole lot anymore because my joints just don't like it.

And there's no reason I have to do that. And so I, but I'll, I'll go on a 10 mile walk on a Saturday and just go walk around my city. I love that. I I usually do legs or lower body twice a week and then do back and bis and chest and tris on the other two days. I love, I love lift my, my lower body is

very strong. And so I love to lift heavy on my lower body and it just makes me feel powerful and strong. And and it's something that I don't let leave my calendar because working out is a release to me. And it, it always has in the back of my mind that I'm doing this, not only for myself, but for my children, my two daughters and my three grandchildren.

I want to be that grandma that is rolling, doing somersaults down the Hill with the kids and skateboarding and not worrying about if I fall down and fall off the skateboard. I want to be that grandparent. So when I go to the gym, It's not only a gift to me, but it's a gift to my family and I can't guarantee that I'm going to make it to 101, but I sure as heck I'm going to go out fighting.

Kevin English: [00:34:01] There you go. Yeah. All right. I, yeah, I love that. So you're very active and it sounds like you have a, kind of a push pull leg, sort of a split going on. You got some cardio thrown in there and some some long walks, like you said. So what are your thoughts then on recovery? what do you prioritize in your recovery in order to be able to work out with that frequency and intensity?

Debbie Waines: [00:34:22] So the first two things that go on my calendar every week, I do a time blocking calendar, are sleep, my work, and then exercise. Sleep is so underrated. And you have to sleep it's you just have to. And I scheduled that and I, at minimum, I get six hours. Usually I get seven to eight hours that seems to work.

As I've gotten older, I used to need a lot more sleep. And I nap, I literally, during the daytime, will go take a 20 minute nap and I do rest and I do try to give my body parts some rest, but I, I love to work out and I, you know, lifting four days a week, I feel like that gives my body some rest. And when I do say cardio, that's yoga, that's stretching classes that that's I really hate the StairMaster, but I, I love treadmills.

I try to walk outside as much as possible, but Colorado doesn't always cooperate with that. So if I can go outside, I will. But cardio to me, I know it is a form of exercise, but I don't do cardio to lose weight. I, I'm not, I'm very much a place where I'm just maintaining the weight that I have.

And cardio is just it's, it's almost like a gift to me now, if that

Kevin English: [00:35:52] Yeah. It sounds more like, yeah, it sounds more like restorative the way you describe it. Well, let me ask you a question here. So, and maybe some of my listeners aren't familiar with you and they probably need to go out on Instagram and check you out obviously. But what would you say to a woman who's intimidated by barbells and dumbbells?

And they think, well, won't I get bulky or won't I get big? Talk a little bit about resistance training or weightlifting for women who maybe don't have that as their background.

Debbie Waines: [00:36:20] Oh, I, I am such a proponent of weightlifting, especially as we get older, it is so important for bone density and for, for osteoporosis fighting those things off. And what I would, what I would recommend is to start out light.

You don't have to lift heavy, heavy weights that that's not what you need to do. You can, you can do a lot of training without feeling like you're going to become Mr. Olympia or miss Olympia. I lift a lot at a lot of weight, and you, nobody would ever say that I look like I'm She-Ra or wonder woman. Right. And I lift a lot of weights.

And I just, I can't express enough, find a gym that you can even find gyms more like a orange theory or something like that that are, might not have the big muscle people in them go to a planet fitness or I I'm not, I don't endorse any gym or anything like that, but go someplace where it's a little less intimidating and they have areas where you can actually go through a gym circuit on, on maybe not free weights, but you can still use the machines and there's a circuit and they they'll train.

You they'll teach you how to use them. I just highly highly recommend it. And plus I think as, as we get older, it also, when you go to the gym at the same time, all the time, you start meeting people and recognizing people and, and it becomes this little community. And I plan on when I do retire, I plan on still going to the gym.

And I, I just think that I'll even nurture more relationships at the gym. So I think it's a great place to meet people that have a healthy lifestyle. Also.

Kevin English: [00:38:18] Yeah, it certainly is. And I would echo all of those sentiments a hundred percent. And to your point, when women pick up barbells, they're not going to get giant bulky muscles.

Those women work extremely hard and probably have a little bit of pharmaceutical help as well to look that way. So, but all the health benefits that you, that you talked about, all of that come along with lifting weights, doing actually lifting heavy weights, right?

Debbie Waines: [00:38:42] right. And the other thing that women need to remember is the women that are in the industry to compete have done this for years. They did not build that muscle that they have overnight. So if you go in and you start lifting, even, even if you used five, then you went to eight, then you went to tens. Then you went to twelves, you can get to twelves very, very quickly.

I can curl thirties. And I think that that's a lot of weight for me and I don't look like a fitness model by any means, but I can curl thirties if I want. That's a lot of weight.

Kevin English: [00:39:27] that is a lot of weight. Yeah. Right on. Absolutely. It is. All right. Well, Debbie, let's move on. I want to talk a little bit about your thoughts on nutrition. You had mentioned in recovery sleeping the big one there, a hundred percent with you on that. What are your thoughts on, on fueling all of this activity?

Debbie Waines: [00:39:46] I well, number one, I do meal prep. And I believe that controlling what you put into your body is a key to success because it's too easy in our, in, in our world today to eat junk and crap. And I do somewhat of a keto diet is what is the way that I eat, but I do believe that. My 101 is not, I'm not gonna make it if I'm not eating healthy foods.

And the majority of, of my meats are chicken and Turkey and fish. I do eat red meat, but not a lot of it. And I don't need a lot of bread, things like that, but I know that protein is the key to my recovery. I have to have a lot of protein in my diet. And I probably eat way more than most people expect you to eat, but I just eat healthy things.

Lots of vegetables. Because I do keto, I eat mostly berries for my fruits. But I eat a lot of protein, a lot of cheese, a lot of protein, a lot of healthy fats, things like that.

Kevin English: [00:40:53] Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a lot of whole foods, right? Not a lot of processed foods. Right. And I think you've touched on something there also for the over 50 crowd, especially somebody who's active and working out is that importance and priority, prioritization of protein. We don't synthesize protein quite the same as we get older.

And so we just, we really need to prioritize that. And I think a lot of folks miss that, especially older folks and people that maybe aren't used to weighing and measuring food, or having an understanding of their macronutrients of proteins in those carbs and those fats and how much of each you're taking, people are often surprised the first time they are asked to track those things.

And it makes a big difference when you, when you start juggling those to your point kind of keto, so you're very low on the carbs and each one of us is a little different biologically right. And nutritionally. So having an awareness and understanding and being willing to experiment to see what works best for you, I think is certainly in your best interest as you're aging.

Debbie Waines: [00:41:53] It is an, and I also think Kevin, we haven't touched on supplements. I, I really believe that supplements are, are a key. Also, I, I have found as I've gotten older, I need to take glucosamine for my joints. And it's something that I implemented in the last year. And I, I think that supplements are a, a big key as we get older too, because a lot of times people just don't eat as much as they used to when they're younger, because you just don't as you get older.

And I think having some supplements to add in you know, zinc and vitamin D and vitamin C, things like that are very important.

Kevin English: [00:42:30] Yeah, I would throw fish oil in there as well.

Debbie Waines: [00:42:32] Yep. Take that too.

Kevin English: [00:42:33] fatty acids. Yeah. But in protein powder, which you could argue is, and isn't a supplement, but certainly that's a, a way to easily boost up your, your protein.

Debbie Waines: [00:42:42] It's a stable in my diet.

Kevin English: [00:42:44] yeah, it is absolutely.

Debbie Waines: [00:42:46] Yup. Yup.

Kevin English: [00:42:48] Yeah.

All right. Well, Debbie, as we're wrapping up here, you already alluded to this a little bit. I was going to ask you what's next for you. We know that you're we know that you got your eyes set on. You're pretty serious about the, the physical training and being in shape. I love that, but outside of that, is there anything else you've got on your, on your horizon?

Debbie Waines: [00:43:05] Really trying to just encourage people to continue with gratitude. That is always going to be at the foundation of my life. So really want to find ways to take gratitude to the next level in my world. And I think that that'll be a lot of public speaking and podcast sharing my, sharing my life with people, just like you're giving me this opportunity.

I really want to do that. And I, I really do. I want to work more with widows and widowers and really let them know that no matter what age you lose somebody, it's okay to reinvent your life and to continue on with happiness and gratitude. And that never means that you stop loving the person that you lost.

And I want to help people get through that time and reinvent themselves. I feel like I've completely, I had a good foundation, but I feel like I have reinvented my life.

Kevin English: [00:44:04] I would say so. Yeah. Given from where you started, where we started this conversation, right. To where we are now, we're, we're talking about you're, you're lit up, you're passionate. You're on fire. You're you're exuding energy and joy. And you've got so much tragedy in your past. And so I think that's fantastic.

And. As you, how did you say no, nobody should be stuck right in, in grief. Nobody should be stuck there. And if you can help people get unstuck and to move forward and to reinvent yourself and it's okay to move forward, it's okay to give yourself permission and to love yourself, to, to feel joy again, and to feel gratitude even after horrible things happen.

Is that, is that right? Is that fair?

Debbie Waines: [00:44:47] Absolutely. Absolutely.

Kevin English: [00:44:50] All right. Well, Debbie what's, if people are listening to this and they want to connect with you just because they liked your message and gratitude, or maybe they're stuck in grief, what's the best way for folks to get in touch with you?

Debbie Waines: [00:45:03] Well, I love working on my Instagram page. I that's where I post most of my stuff. So my page is C O L O life coach Deb. So short for Colorado life. Coach Deb. I also have a website, Debbie wanes, coaching.com. Calm Wayne's is w a I N E S. And my email is Debbie at w wings, coaching.com. I would love to talk to anybody in and help along their journey.

Kevin English: [00:45:34] Well, I'll certainly drop all that into the show notes. So folks can contact you and reach out there. Well, Debbie, thanks so much for coming on the show today and sharing your story with us and sharing your wisdom, your light and your joy. You're an awesome inspiration. You're a great ambassador for healthy aging as well, and I wish you all the best and all your future endeavors.

Debbie Waines: [00:45:57] Thank you so much, Kevin.